i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
