I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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