You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
