Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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