I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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