where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love having hate sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
