I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
