dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My ATM looks so different sober.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
