Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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