someone threw a dead crab at me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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