I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
