I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
