Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
