I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize