is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
