You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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