It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
