If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
