kristin has been a bad kristin
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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