This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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