Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
