Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
