Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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