wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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