my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How naked do you want me to be?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
