How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
As shirtless as possible
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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