We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
