On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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