actually, I'm a sock model
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
