There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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