Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
