Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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