I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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