you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
