My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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