dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
