GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
