His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
