also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize