guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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