i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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