you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
