Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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