your room smells of hookers.
And success
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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