sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
