Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
