I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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