I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
two words: eviction party
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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