Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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