ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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