My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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