she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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