Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
