I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
