No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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