Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
