I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
