Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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