Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm just crazy horny about you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
