Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
