I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
