Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
